


Choices

by geniewithwifi



Series: Hero Quintessence [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 4x01 Green Arrow, Angst, Episode Related, F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 11:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4958365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geniewithwifi/pseuds/geniewithwifi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Her home was here though, the place of his ghosts. The place he was running from, the person he had chosen to become. The epitome of light, his harbinger of goodness embraced the shadows haunting this dying city. The city he had failed. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Season 4 episode 1 missing scene fic

_Then what are you?_

The words spoken by Captain Lance echoed in Oliver’s head, reverberating through his core. The resounding reply was  _I don’t know._

Who was he? He was Oliver Queen, but how much of him was dark? How much of him was light? 

The consequences of the past year could just be erased by a few apologies-- Diggle was evidence of that. The cold brush the man he used to call his brother had given him on his arrival and every moment after that. Each interaction between them was clouded by Oliver’s unforgivable actions. 

“You don’t trust. You don’t love.” The harsh words John hurled at him, ripe with hurt and pain, intended to maim. Then what was that he had with Felicity? He trusted her, he loved her. And yet Diggle is telling him different? Nothing makes sense. 

The presence of Starling city, all the mistakes he made painful reminders that he, no  _the Arrow,_ had failed this city. The judgment he had pressed on the wrong doers and turned back upon the wielder. He didn’t want to be here anymore, the darkness within him creeping out of the place he had shoved it over the past five months, ignoring, denying it’s existence, trying to erase it completely by going in the opposite direction. 

He wanted to go home. 

With a pang, he realized that Starling City, the place that had been his home, somewhere he had been aching to go back to during the five years, wasn’t it anymore. The place that had held his family, his legacy, the place he had strove to make a difference in, to make better as best he could, with the darkness he had embraced, wasn’t his. A beautiful house far away with the love of his life was home. 

But it wasn’t home for her. 

His home would always be with her. Inside her, with her, surrounded by a person that loved him despite all his mistakes and shortcomings. His sense of belonging was tied to Felicity. 

Her home was  _here_ though, the place of his ghosts. The place he was running from, the person he had chosen to become. The epitome of light, his harbinger of goodness embraced the shadows haunting this dying city. The city he had  _failed._

 _“_ We should never had come back here.” Were the first words that came out to Felicity. It was the only response he could fathom giving to her with all the thoughts and emotions running through his head. No one wanted him back here. He didn’t want to be here, Lance didn’t want him, Diggle didn’t want him, the city didn’t want him. 

That neighborhood had embraced him and he felt like he belonged. Or so he thought. Those “friends” had never really known him, seen beyond the mask he presented to them, of a normal couple. They didn’t know of the darkness hidden inside. They didn’t know the secret talents him and Felicity both harbored. They hadn’t truly seen him. 

Felicity reminded him of that, seeing below the surface with one simple truth. “ _But I also love it here, and you can't honestly tell me that you don't.”_

He did. Starling was a part of him. And just like him, someone needed to see the good in Starlin--  _Star_ City, to harness the city’s light. He didn’t know how because he was the darkness. He had  _brought_ the darkness to Star City. It was because of him the city was dying. He was solely responsible for what was happening now. The black in him would never bring out the city’s light. 

_Then what are you?_

He had tried to be a hero, but that had involved sacrifices he was no longer interested in giving. 

Felicity looked at him, with that soft look that saw right through him and spoke advice he knew she would always give him. She was his guiding star in the maze of twists and turns, masks and villains. 

“I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore.” He did not want to embrace the scars imprinted on his soul, the ones Amanda Waller had pushed him to accept. 

It was amazing how simple the answer was, spoken by the one that believed in him. 

“ Maybe you just need to be a different kind of person.”

That was the answer to Lance’s question. Be different. Don’t fall into those habits that had plagued him for so long. 

He recalled the words Barry had spoken to him almost a year ago. 

_“When you told me I could inspire people, you said you couldn't. But you were wrong-- you can inspire. Not as the Arrow... But as Oliver Queen.”_

Perhaps that’s who Oliver Queen was-- was becoming. Someone that could inspire a city, the people within. Inspire them to see the hope still sturggling to survive in this shadowed city. 

Someone different. Maybe, perhaps one day. 

A hero. 


End file.
